I've read a lot of self books in my time. Yes, it's that admission that may turn off some people. But at the same time, those books say not to care what you think! But I've thought a lot about certain things in the past few days with regards to living. Part of a lot of what people in self-help/self-development say is to "raise your standards". It's hard to translate what they mean by this. By what standard do you raise your standards? And why?
But I've begun to really think about this. If you feel a will or burning desire to do something, THAT is the standard. Now a lot of people may think this means harming other people, something that people misinterpret. 9 times out of 10, people harm other people because they AREN'T living by their own standards. I'm not going to go into this in this entry, but let's pass that part by. On to me, I have standards. I can no longer settle for second best out of personal fear in any area of life.
I'll give an example: There have been certain situations with the opposite sex in the past where I wasn't living by own standards. I was unhappy from the beginning, and just didn't feel the energy and love I should have. And to the contrary, there HAVE been times where I did feel that connection and where I didn't feel like I was settling. Now to some, talking about the reasons for the former situation may seem "shallow" to them. Maybe I wasn't totally physically attracted to them, which by my OWN standard, is important. Maybe I fought with them easily, maybe they had personality quirks that were hard to handle. But even then, people may had given me a hard time for bringing those up. Like how dare I feel ungrateful for the woman who had been giving me such attention after struggling with finding anyone for so long? But by this very principle, these types of situations are doomed to failure. If you do something, be with someone, whatever, which or who isn't up to your standards you're going to second guess the situation. Eventually, it will fail, and those failures are more like big crashes than small fender benders in life.
I've listened to other people for a long time try to plot out how I should be doing things. I never realized in the past that I was doing it more often than I cared to admit.
If you have standards, you have a project you're working on that you want to be quality, and you aren't sure about a collaborator or possible one, you shouldn't take them on.
If you're unsure about a job, you shouldn't take it.
If you're unsure about a potential partner you shouldn't be with them.
The list goes on. It's not about being anal, it's not about being picky, it's not about being perfectionist, it's about having standards for your life, your love, your relationships, and your goals. If you half-ass it, it's not going to be completed or it's going to be mediocre. Sometimes you just have to say "no".
If you live up to your standards, some things may take longer, it may be more difficult in some ways. But it's a better "waste" of time living up to your own standards than wasting other's time as well as your own doing something you're unsure about.
But I've begun to really think about this. If you feel a will or burning desire to do something, THAT is the standard. Now a lot of people may think this means harming other people, something that people misinterpret. 9 times out of 10, people harm other people because they AREN'T living by their own standards. I'm not going to go into this in this entry, but let's pass that part by. On to me, I have standards. I can no longer settle for second best out of personal fear in any area of life.
I'll give an example: There have been certain situations with the opposite sex in the past where I wasn't living by own standards. I was unhappy from the beginning, and just didn't feel the energy and love I should have. And to the contrary, there HAVE been times where I did feel that connection and where I didn't feel like I was settling. Now to some, talking about the reasons for the former situation may seem "shallow" to them. Maybe I wasn't totally physically attracted to them, which by my OWN standard, is important. Maybe I fought with them easily, maybe they had personality quirks that were hard to handle. But even then, people may had given me a hard time for bringing those up. Like how dare I feel ungrateful for the woman who had been giving me such attention after struggling with finding anyone for so long? But by this very principle, these types of situations are doomed to failure. If you do something, be with someone, whatever, which or who isn't up to your standards you're going to second guess the situation. Eventually, it will fail, and those failures are more like big crashes than small fender benders in life.
I've listened to other people for a long time try to plot out how I should be doing things. I never realized in the past that I was doing it more often than I cared to admit.
If you have standards, you have a project you're working on that you want to be quality, and you aren't sure about a collaborator or possible one, you shouldn't take them on.
If you're unsure about a job, you shouldn't take it.
If you're unsure about a potential partner you shouldn't be with them.
The list goes on. It's not about being anal, it's not about being picky, it's not about being perfectionist, it's about having standards for your life, your love, your relationships, and your goals. If you half-ass it, it's not going to be completed or it's going to be mediocre. Sometimes you just have to say "no".
If you live up to your standards, some things may take longer, it may be more difficult in some ways. But it's a better "waste" of time living up to your own standards than wasting other's time as well as your own doing something you're unsure about.
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