Accepting My Introversion.

I like to surprise people. Sometimes, I like to shock people. Like when I gave someone one of the cd's I've been on for instance. They were "surprised" it was actually any good, it seemed (so should I be insulted instead?). It also surprises them when people find out I'm a musician, or I've entertained the possibility of doing Stand-Up Comedy. Or that I enjoy Karaoke from time to time, have actually approached women at bars (more rare nowadays but it all depends), or generally love performing for an audience.

It also surprised people that this "shy" person would open up when training people at work.

It "surprises" people any time their narrow tunnel vision of the world, or namely, me, gets challenged.

Growing up, I also used to yell random stuff at people downtown where I live. The problem arose when I actually tried to have actual small talk or conversations with them. The dynamic changed and I clammed up. This probably is at the roots of my actual struggles with approaching women I'm interested in, I become the dancing clown, then don't know how to follow it up.

I'm obviously a (shy) performer, who loves attention, but struggles when it's more "face to face".

So in reading books about introversion like Susan Cain's 2012 book "Quiet- The Power of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking" I am left with reflections that once bothered me, but no more. I am definitely an introvert, and there's nothing wrong with that. I just don't like being placed in a box, put into a category, stereotyped, or whatever. I'm not a normal introvert, but I'm not a super extrovert either. But many of the things that draw me in life, ARE externally focused.

Don't think/assume that you know about someone's shyness or social anxiety by one thing they do, or one activity someone engages in. Mine is as different as another person's.

Everyone's (pardon the term) "triggered" by something different. Everyone's different, and just because I have more bluster but have trouble following up with small talk doesn't mean I'm any less scared than your average person with anxiety, same as if I'm more shy in a certain situation, then start saying jokes, etc- doesn't mean that I've all of a sudden turned into an extrovert so you'd have to "relabel" me.

So even with my accepting of these facts and factors that influence my life, I still will challenge myself.

And I still will have people gape with their mouth open in surprise and shock when I'm doing something that challenges their labels of me.

I look forward to it.