So now, it's time to discuss something else entirely, Religion and Spirituality. In short, I don't like to discuss them too often, partly because of the fact that they are so complicated, and to some, contradictory.
I guess, like my previous blog entry regarding politics, I can give a detailed history, and more importantly, how they factor in to my beliefs today.
When I try to talk about people about what I beliefs, it gets jumbled up and also may not make sense to some. Hopefully, this series of articles will explain where I'm coming from, and how it informs my decisions as well.
To begin with, I was not raised a Christian. My parents believed in some loose precepts of Christianity, to a small extent, but were also informed by a belief in plurality, that is, the idea that most religions form a small picture of a greater whole of truth in life.
My grandparents on one side were more traditional Christians to some extent, however on the other side of the family, they had a more complicated belief system that was at it's core, Christian, but informed by Eastern Religions and precepts. I had a grandmother in particular that was both inspired by the bible and Autobiography of a Yogi, and many of the talks we had while growing up were influential not only on me but on people around me, like friends of the family who were inspired to go on certain spiritual paths because of her influence.
I still believe that she was coming from a purer vision of Christianity. To say that she was a liberal Christian is definitely an understatement.
Later in my childhood, I was beginning to develop my belief systems though, and in combination with my fascination with world events and politics, I started to follow a more "apocalyptic" vision of Christianity, even if it remained pluralist to a large extent.
I read a lot of books about Nostradamus and believed that we may be living in the "end times". I looked at the world as being a dark and unforgiving place, full of selfish and evil people. Perhaps, this was a reflection of the struggles I had growing up. It's hard to say. But while this was going on, I still bought into things like Astrology and some of the Eastern ideas of transcendence. I was taught by certain family friends the links between the ideas of transcendence in the East and spiritual exhalation in the west (within Judeo-Christianity and Islam). The way they were broken down made it too much of a coincidence with their similarity.
At the same time, other than apocalyptic Christianity (in a loose slightly more liberal pluralistic way), I also had a budding interest in the Occult.
This was seasoned by many of the books given to me as a kid by family as gifts, or hand me downs, like Time-Life's (?) Into the Unknown book about the paranormal.
So, needless to say, I had a lot of time invested with reading and regarding many different ideas of spirituality, while at the same time having a somewhat apocalyptic viewpoint that probably in part at least was fostered by my budding anxiety disorders.
When I grew into my teenage years, these ideas were somewhat intact. While I wasn't a full on Christian at this point, I used to watch Pat Robertson's 700 Club every night. Why? Well I certainly didn't believe in most of what Pat was peddling, and at the same time it was at least partially ironic watching in a "so bad it's good and funny" way.
But perhaps, subconsciously, it DID fit into some of my viewpoints, even if he rallied against my precious metal music and role playing games, etc.
I just believed at that point that the "Antichrist" would take form more from an American Evangelical like him, rather than someone at the time like Saddam Hussein per se.
Saddam after all was widely hated by the world public, and the "Antichrist" specified in the bible would be widely loved.
I did openly question that if maybe the "Antichrist" would be from the East because of Nostradamus's Quatrains though pertaining to the matter though.
I enjoyed films like The Omen or Rosemary's Baby, partly for entertainment, but i remained agnostic about their ideas. Agnostic as in I "wasn't sure" if the things described would or could happen. The fact that there was any belief at all that these prophetic ideas had any weight signified to me that I had a bit of Christianity to me, and to some extent, indeed, I was a Christian.
I did believe that evil was NOT disbelieving in Jesus but that in many ways Jesus's teaching were the more "accessible" way to God, since the teachings were "easier" to follow than a lot of other religions.
I did have an interest in Buddhism at the same time though, and stole a Zen book from middle school detention once.
I also had a budding interest in Astrology, and this had definitely come from family friends who had done my chart and also talked much about these ideas.
I used to look at attendance rolls at school at people's birthdays and try to figure out how they fit into their "sign". I found a lot of strange coincidences (still do) and struggle to try to not overemphasize these ideas in my mind.
During my teenage years, perhaps I had some signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I had recurring thoughts and images in my head, and it made going to school (especially middle and high school) hard.
At the same time, I had gotten into music like the stuff produced by Glenn Danzig, and I excused his "satanic" themes as him being more "esoteric" (he never explicitly stated one way or another, and did have a more intelligent take much of the time on such lyrical themes). I would never, ever listen to more blatantly "satanic" heavy metal music, and it even took me years to accept Slayer as a band (and even then, I enjoyed bands like Deicide and Morbid Angel but would not allow myself to own any. There was a cover band who plays covers and I went to their shows but this would still not dissuade me).
During one time during the winter months though, some of the more morbid of Danzig's lyrical themes with his former bands the Misfits had gotten to me, or so I thought. I was afraid of a lot of my music "influencing" me to do bad things. This was more of the fear of it influencing me rather than any actual influence itself. So I got out a grocery bag and put all of my Misfits, Danzig, Black Flag, Rollins Band, and even some other acts albums and threw them out on the curb in front of my house. That way I could curb myself of what was probably just typical teenage depression not to mention seasonal depression, and the idea that the "negativity" of whether it'd be violence (even the comic book and Sci-Fi oriented violence of the Misfits) or Rollins's misanthropic lyrics would be nullified..
What made me do this? This is a question I've pondered for years as I did soul searching through time. I think it was a combination of being extremely isolated as an adolescent, having extreme social anxiety and depression, and also signs of OCD combined with my imagination running wild at the time. Watching Pat Robertson talk his superstition about "subliminal messages" certainly didn't help!
Later, I re-bought all the albums I had thrown away, and to this day, have not had any issues!
That's where I'm going to end it for part 1 of this blog series. Stay tuned for more of the account of my spiritual evolution...
I guess, like my previous blog entry regarding politics, I can give a detailed history, and more importantly, how they factor in to my beliefs today.
When I try to talk about people about what I beliefs, it gets jumbled up and also may not make sense to some. Hopefully, this series of articles will explain where I'm coming from, and how it informs my decisions as well.
To begin with, I was not raised a Christian. My parents believed in some loose precepts of Christianity, to a small extent, but were also informed by a belief in plurality, that is, the idea that most religions form a small picture of a greater whole of truth in life.
My grandparents on one side were more traditional Christians to some extent, however on the other side of the family, they had a more complicated belief system that was at it's core, Christian, but informed by Eastern Religions and precepts. I had a grandmother in particular that was both inspired by the bible and Autobiography of a Yogi, and many of the talks we had while growing up were influential not only on me but on people around me, like friends of the family who were inspired to go on certain spiritual paths because of her influence.
I still believe that she was coming from a purer vision of Christianity. To say that she was a liberal Christian is definitely an understatement.
Later in my childhood, I was beginning to develop my belief systems though, and in combination with my fascination with world events and politics, I started to follow a more "apocalyptic" vision of Christianity, even if it remained pluralist to a large extent.
I read a lot of books about Nostradamus and believed that we may be living in the "end times". I looked at the world as being a dark and unforgiving place, full of selfish and evil people. Perhaps, this was a reflection of the struggles I had growing up. It's hard to say. But while this was going on, I still bought into things like Astrology and some of the Eastern ideas of transcendence. I was taught by certain family friends the links between the ideas of transcendence in the East and spiritual exhalation in the west (within Judeo-Christianity and Islam). The way they were broken down made it too much of a coincidence with their similarity.
At the same time, other than apocalyptic Christianity (in a loose slightly more liberal pluralistic way), I also had a budding interest in the Occult.
This was seasoned by many of the books given to me as a kid by family as gifts, or hand me downs, like Time-Life's (?) Into the Unknown book about the paranormal.
So, needless to say, I had a lot of time invested with reading and regarding many different ideas of spirituality, while at the same time having a somewhat apocalyptic viewpoint that probably in part at least was fostered by my budding anxiety disorders.
When I grew into my teenage years, these ideas were somewhat intact. While I wasn't a full on Christian at this point, I used to watch Pat Robertson's 700 Club every night. Why? Well I certainly didn't believe in most of what Pat was peddling, and at the same time it was at least partially ironic watching in a "so bad it's good and funny" way.
But perhaps, subconsciously, it DID fit into some of my viewpoints, even if he rallied against my precious metal music and role playing games, etc.
I just believed at that point that the "Antichrist" would take form more from an American Evangelical like him, rather than someone at the time like Saddam Hussein per se.
Saddam after all was widely hated by the world public, and the "Antichrist" specified in the bible would be widely loved.
I did openly question that if maybe the "Antichrist" would be from the East because of Nostradamus's Quatrains though pertaining to the matter though.
I enjoyed films like The Omen or Rosemary's Baby, partly for entertainment, but i remained agnostic about their ideas. Agnostic as in I "wasn't sure" if the things described would or could happen. The fact that there was any belief at all that these prophetic ideas had any weight signified to me that I had a bit of Christianity to me, and to some extent, indeed, I was a Christian.
I did believe that evil was NOT disbelieving in Jesus but that in many ways Jesus's teaching were the more "accessible" way to God, since the teachings were "easier" to follow than a lot of other religions.
I did have an interest in Buddhism at the same time though, and stole a Zen book from middle school detention once.
I also had a budding interest in Astrology, and this had definitely come from family friends who had done my chart and also talked much about these ideas.
I used to look at attendance rolls at school at people's birthdays and try to figure out how they fit into their "sign". I found a lot of strange coincidences (still do) and struggle to try to not overemphasize these ideas in my mind.
During my teenage years, perhaps I had some signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I had recurring thoughts and images in my head, and it made going to school (especially middle and high school) hard.
At the same time, I had gotten into music like the stuff produced by Glenn Danzig, and I excused his "satanic" themes as him being more "esoteric" (he never explicitly stated one way or another, and did have a more intelligent take much of the time on such lyrical themes). I would never, ever listen to more blatantly "satanic" heavy metal music, and it even took me years to accept Slayer as a band (and even then, I enjoyed bands like Deicide and Morbid Angel but would not allow myself to own any. There was a cover band who plays covers and I went to their shows but this would still not dissuade me).
During one time during the winter months though, some of the more morbid of Danzig's lyrical themes with his former bands the Misfits had gotten to me, or so I thought. I was afraid of a lot of my music "influencing" me to do bad things. This was more of the fear of it influencing me rather than any actual influence itself. So I got out a grocery bag and put all of my Misfits, Danzig, Black Flag, Rollins Band, and even some other acts albums and threw them out on the curb in front of my house. That way I could curb myself of what was probably just typical teenage depression not to mention seasonal depression, and the idea that the "negativity" of whether it'd be violence (even the comic book and Sci-Fi oriented violence of the Misfits) or Rollins's misanthropic lyrics would be nullified..
What made me do this? This is a question I've pondered for years as I did soul searching through time. I think it was a combination of being extremely isolated as an adolescent, having extreme social anxiety and depression, and also signs of OCD combined with my imagination running wild at the time. Watching Pat Robertson talk his superstition about "subliminal messages" certainly didn't help!
Later, I re-bought all the albums I had thrown away, and to this day, have not had any issues!
That's where I'm going to end it for part 1 of this blog series. Stay tuned for more of the account of my spiritual evolution...
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