Matt Davinci Writing

I like to surprise people. Sometimes, I like to shock people. Like when I gave someone one of the cd's I've been on for instance. They were "surprised" it was actually any good, it seemed (so should I be insulted instead?). It also surprises them when people find out I'm a musician, or I've entertained the possibility of doing Stand-Up Comedy. Or that I enjoy Karaoke from time to time, have actually approached women at bars (more rare nowadays but it all depends), or generally love performing for an audience. It also surprised people that this "shy" person would open up when training people at work. It "surprises" people any time their narrow tunnel vision of the world, or namely, me, gets challenged. Growing up, I also used to yell random stuff at people downtown where I live. The problem arose when I actually tried to have actual small talk or conversations with them. The dynamic changed and I clammed up. This probably is at the roo...

Do you know the pain? Do you know the solitude? I doubt it. Most of you probably don't. You may call me shallow. You may call me superficial. Just because I have some type of aesthetic romantic ideal. Because I refuse to settle. Because I refuse to capitulate to what many of you want. What got me to this point? Why am I more steadfast than ever in stating what I want? I've tried your way. I've tried waking up to someone that I felt repulsed by, just to feel someone else's touch. The fact that I've been alone most of my life doesn't phase me in the slightest if I can't be with someone else that i feel right about. I've only had fleeting feelings of it being right, or it feeling right. So because it's such a treasure to me, then I feel like I can be more particular. Some people might wonder why I'm single and have never been married- at this age. Because growing up, I was so alien to others that I was mostly alone....

A lot of people have different definitions of love, or the depth of love. And a lot of times things get so confused within these situations. I can safely say, that I have been in love with one woman, once. I'm not going to go into the details of who this was, or when in this blog. I'll just say that for once in my life, for a short time, I felt completed. Maybe I'm not judging this situation objectively. Was I in love with the other women I've been with? Maybe at times. And inevitably, in the future I'll probably meet more women that I will feel more in love with than this person. But the reason I believe I was in love with this person is just how deeply I felt for them. And the synchronicities and almost parallel thinking we had at times, like there was some type of telepathy. I can definitely also safely say I had never had that with anyone else up until that point, regardless of how many relationships I had had. There's something dreamy about being ...

I've read a lot of self books in my time. Yes, it's that admission that may turn off some people. But at the same time, those books say not to care what you think! But I've thought a lot about certain things in the past  few days with regards to living. Part of a lot of what people in self-help/self-development say is to "raise your standards". It's hard to translate what they mean by this. By what standard do you raise your standards? And why? But I've begun to really think about this. If you feel a will or burning desire to do something, THAT is the standard. Now a lot of people may think this means harming other people, something that people misinterpret. 9 times out of 10, people harm other people because they AREN'T living by their own standards. I'm not going to go into this in this entry, but let's pass that part by. On to me, I have standards. I can no longer settle for second best out of personal fear in any area of life. I'll ...